The first thing I should mention is the names here have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty, and because I like thinking up fun names and nicks for the people I know.

Second, some of these names may not come up very often, since most of them live at least three hours away. But some visit from now and then, and the most eventful events in my life happen during these visits, so they bear mentioning.

In the order of frequency you'll probably hear about them:

Wooderson: Me, though I doubt I'll refer much to myself by name. I'm 25, a college graduate, and I stock shelves at a grocery store. Yes, I was a Liberal Arts major (English). This is why I have very little to talk about from my everyday life. Shelf stocking. Woo fucking hoo.

Girl: My wife. Also a slave to retail. She stocks home accessories and handles angry customers. Got fucked over by both parents and still hasn't gotten through college, which is sad because she's smarter than me.

Jackass: Our cat. Black, ornery, and just basically an all around jackass. Hobbies include knocking full soda cans from tables, fighting, slamming himself into walls, and anyting else a cat can do thats destructive or causes pain.

Hockey Temper: My friend from work. A really nice guy if he likes you, but moody as hell. Lets just say I'm glad he's on my side.

Napolean: My direct boss. Short on stature and people skills. Not a bad guy, just quiet and grumpy. Can be an asshole in general, but I've always gotten along with him.

Napolean II: Share's no real traits with Napolean I, except for being his assistant. Friendlier and more talkative, he's the best to go to to request time off and such. On the other hand, he seems to think I'm his bitch. Whenever he needs something special done, guess who's the lucky fella?

Uncle Dan: Store Manager, but acts more like a politician. You know the type. Overall a horse's ass, but as long as you know how to handle him and not take him too seriously, there could be worse people to work for.

Emma: Girl's friend who visits most often. Lived with us for a few months after breaking up with her boyfriend. In that time she wracked up about 18 notches on her bed post. Her first week here, she was averaging 3 middle-aged black men a day (no bullshit). Has since calmed down, went back to the old Alma Mater, where she is now somewhat back with her ex. She's a lot more pleasant a person now than when she lived here, and we usually have fun on her visits. Though we do tend to spend too much on alcohol with her...

Charles: Emma's ex. Prbably the nicest, funniest guy you'd ever want to meet. Great story teller, also. We used to wish he was living with us rather than Emma. Is now struggling with the fact that he and Emma live near each other, spend most days and nights together, have sex, kiss hello and goodbye...but they aren't dating. Now holds a certain power over Emma due to her guilt over breaking his heart.

MILF: Girl's best friend she's known since high school. Really cool chick who got knocked up by an illegal Chinese immigrant and screwed up her entire life. Luckily, her kid is cool as hell for a toddler, so at least she got something good out of the deal. After the child's father was arrested for credit card fraud, fled the state while on parole, and may face extradition if caught, MILF moved in with and became engaged to a mentally abusive asshole with a with a fascination for, well, assholes.

Anal Andy: A mentally abusive asshole with a with a fascination for, well, assholes. Expects sex everyday. Once, when MILF had a stomach virus, he insisted they have sex, but on the floor so all the extra bed-jiggling wouldn't cause her to toss her cookies in the middle. Nice of him, eh? Spends most of his money on his beloved truck. Recent unexplained absences hint he may be cheating.

Doogie: MILF's son. Probably the smartest toddler I've ever seen, and a clean freak, just like his mother. Doesn't whine or cry except when dirty. Smart and avoids making messes...the perfect traits for a child.

Rosemarie's Baby: Anal Andy's seven year old daughter. Evil incarnate.

Galadriel: Another of Girl's friends. A redhead with an affinity for all things Irish and LOTRish. She doesn't get to visit as often as we'd like, but we always have a blast when she's here. The type of girl that still likes pillow and tickle fights despite being 29. Best known for lounging around the appartment in short t-shirts and no bra. Yep, sure do love when she visits...

Sarge: Galadriel's husband and all around Army dude. Quite the jealous type, so it's not as much fun when he visits along with Galadriel. Hehe... An all right guy, as long as you watch yourself around him.

VG Girl: Galadriel and Sarge's 9yo daughter. Loves video games and tormenting Jackass. Has a slight case of autism, but a surprisingly well developed sense of humor.

All right, I suppose that's all for now. That's just about everyone I can imaginie ever mentioning more than once or twice. As people come an go I'll edit this entry.

Wooderson

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