Today was just fucking ridiculous. I went to work and didn't do shit. Both me and Hockey Temper should have been fired about 5 times each today. We took about 3 fake breaks with the HR manager's office right in the break room and the Regional vice president of the chain of stores I work for sitting in the next room over. Also, I found a bag of onions in the freezer case and they were frozen solid. I dropped them in the back room to see if one would shatter or if they's bounce or whatever. Hockey Temper had been saying since I found them that he wanted to bowl them down the aisle, so he grabbed them and tried to bowl them down the backroom hall. Of course the bag split almost immediately, and as those fuckers rolled free, they all lost their top two or three layers. I told him not to but would he listen? Anyway, we tried to clean up the mess, but only found about helf the bag. so there's 10 or 12 onions rolling around somewhere in the back room and they probably have us on camera, standing there laughing like Beavis and Butthead.Then, on one of his fake breaks, Hockey Temper sat down at a table, and lo and behold, some chick had left her purse behind. So, then I come in there and he starts saying he's going to take the fucking purse. I was like, "Fuck, man! You couldn't take that shit before I got here." He says, "I just got here myself." I was like, "I don't care if you take the fucking purse, just don't do it while I'm fuckin sitting here!" He ended up sneaking the wallet out of it and found there was nothing in there but bills (utilities and credit cards, not money bills), so it was all a moot point anyway.
Then there was all the cussing and explicit conversations we held with customers at fairly close range. I stole a nice ass Uniball Pen from one of the offices (I couldn't help myself, it writes so sweet!).
Anyway, you get the idea. But we keep getting away with this shit and they think we're good workers! Hahaha! HT was like, "Dude, if one of the managers came up and said, 'What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get the lead out of your ass and get to work,'I would. Until then, I just have no motivation." Actually, Napolean did come up to him last Saturday night and said he was worried about HT and that every time HT came in he looked worse. Nap. then said he cares about HT and if there's anything he could do, just ask." HT was like, "Man, I didn't think I looked that bad that night! Shit, at least I've started shaving before I come in again!" I was just floor that Nap. said he cared about HT. He's a decent guy, but certainly not the type to go around saying words like "care" all willy-nilly! HT said he told Napolean, in these exact words, "Look, I'm working two jobs, going to school, then I have to come in here and put up with your guys' bullshit." Hehehe. Actually, I've noticed management tends to like people who say shit straight out like that rather than those that mince words. Apparently it worked Saturday night, too!
HT was also telling me about another incident that night for which he should have been fired. Him and another guy found some Pillsbury bread dough that had sat out somewhere and thawed. So they started making dough balls and throwing them around, trying to make them stick to walls and shit (bear in mind, we're open 24 hours) Then they started throwing them at people. They targeted an older, ex military guy (lets call him, JB). The guy with Adam threw his lump and HT fired a second later, aiming for the back of JB's bald head. The other guy missed, and when he turned around to see what the fuck was going on, HT's dough hit him right in the fucking eye. Adam said he was like "Oh shit! Old dude's wearing glasses! I probably just took out his goddam eye!" Meanwhile, JB was on his knees on the ground clutching his eye and wouldn't let anyone see it. Then he sprung up and scared the shit out of HT by drawing back like he was going to punch him. But he didn't. He also didn't whine about it to anyone later on. Wish I'd been there at least for that, though, since that's about the funniest thing I ever heard.
So, after we managed to get out of work without being removed from the schedule, we bought some beer, came home and began to drink. HT took some stuff out of his magical, mystical bottle, and we also partook of that for awhile. He's craching here tonight so he doesn't have to get up at 7 AM and pretend like he's going to classes for his aunt and uncle's benefit. Of course, he's not going.
Anyway, that was my day, so I guess sometimes some fun things happen around here.
Oh, I forgot to tell you about the other morning. It snowed really hard here a few nights ago, and the next morning the roads of the apartment complex were fucking sheets of ice. We didn't go the way we usually do, bcause that way we had to climb a grade, and figured if it was icey, we'd never get up it in the little ass car we have. So we went the long way. Taking the long way, there are several ways out, but the easiest had been blocked off the night before by caution tape because they're remodelling a building right next to the road. When we got near there, we saw the line of tape closest to us was down, so we figured someone had come out of the clabs the night before and said, "Fuck that tape, I'm going through!" So we tried to sneak through, too. Turns out, the other tape on down the line was still up, and Girl wasn't backing up on that ice, at least not as far as we'd have had to go. But i was already late for work, so there was no time to dilly dilly. So, there was nothing left to do but for me to get out, take out my box cutter, and slice the fucking thing so we could get through. They just now got it fixed this afternoon. Hehehe. Yup, that's me, a real rebel there. And the crime spee just keeps getter large and larger in stakes.
Okay, that's enough for one day, it's almost 4, and I'm pretty tired. But tomorrow's my day off. Not that I'll notice. I'm sure I'll sleep through it.
Wooderson
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