Around the time I was fifteen or sixteen, there were a spate of commercials that depressed me about my future (which is now my present).

Allow me to describe:

The first, and most damaging, was a commercial for some super-gold hits of the eighties record, and seemed to be geared toward those just leaving college and entering "the real world." The scene starts out as a Corvette pulls into a parking spot outside a small, brick, one story office building. Faintly we hear 80's rock. We then cut to a ground-level shot of the car door opening, and a high-heeled shoe attached to a shapely leg shrowded in hosiery. The 80's music increases in volume (even though the car should be shut off at this point, since she is obviously exiting the vehicle). The we cut to a wide shot of an attrative woman in her mid twenties dressed in a business appropriate short skirt and a white blouse. She has long, dark hair that is teased up in an 80's manner that at this point in time was probably only a couple years out of fashion. Her eyes are covered with large, plastic sunglasses, which she pulls down when she stares directly toward the camera. Cut to the interior of the building, where a blonde receptionist of roughly the same age asks the woman what she was playing in her car. Of course, titles begin to scroll over video clips, a 1-800 number is exchanged, and much excitement ensues.

Even in my teen years, something in that commercial left me profoundly unsettled. After seeing it for about the 20th time, I began hold a vague unease about hitting my middle twenties.

Then another commercial debuted in heavy rotation, this one more slickly done and for some product I can't even remember, though I seem to think it was either for tampons or jewelry. This commercial featured a couple, also around their mid twenties, frolicking at night in a playground, mostly the man pushing the woman on a swing. The couple apparently had just come from a fancy dinner or party, because the man was wearing a tux and the woman an evening gown (it's just now struck me it was probably their attire that set me off). And for some reason that commercial unlocked the secret of what was killing me about the first commercial.

The people in the second commercial were supposed to look like they were having fun, and indeed there was much smiling and laughter. Yet something about it seemed fake to me. I realized the commercial was trying to show an instant in which this couple recaptured their youth. Howeverm their clothing suggested that there were firmly planted in adult life, and would more than likely return there after leaving the playground and inevitably fucking (probably to the strains of super gold from the eighties).

I think what depressed me at that point was the fact that I may end up like any of the people in the both commercials, having to recapture my youth. Of course the problem with recapturing youth is that it means at some point, you went and lost it.

Based on these two commercials (and a few other commercials and movies here and there), I concluded in my midteens that the most useless and futile period of life had to be the mid twenties. You're in the grey, in-between time of life in which you're out of college, but not yet at that 30 year old point where people actually start respecting you.

And now, ten or so years later, here I am. 26. Right where I never wanted to be.

But I think I'm surviving it pretty well. Anyone who's read this thing would probably agree I'm no where near grown-up status yet. To some this is a flaw, but obviously not to me. I think I've discovered the trick to the whole thing, and that is to not stagnate.

Super Gold Chick is a perfect example of what I'm saying. She's still buying the music of her youth, as if this is some magic portal that will help her retain her youth. She even tries to dress the part. The world has moved on, but she has not, thank you very much. She's found her decade and she's sticking with it. I'm sure we all know these people. Even just a couple years out of her "prime," to me she just seemed sad and old.

On the other hand, you have people like...oh, let's say Green Day. You look at those guys and think there's no way they're out of their twenties, yet they're probably well into their thirties (I don't feel like researching this at such a late hour with work looming in a couple hours and still no sleep under my belt, but you get my drift). Johnny Knoxville is also well into his thirties, but you'd never know it...though he does seem to be slowing down a bit. Some might argue that the only way they've retained their youth is through acting like immature assholes, but isn't that a major part of youth? You just have to take the good with the bad, I suppose.

There's a woman at work that's pushing forty, and her favorite artist out there is Nelly. Not my cup of tea, but more power to her. Despite her age, her many ex husbands, and children, you just can't spend a whole breaktime with her and think of her as anything but young.

So, thankfully, I've found hope. I know I've belabored this point in past entries, but I think I've finally helped to flesh it out to the best of my ability.

And to anyone out there that thinks I should just shut up about all this and grow up already...sucks to be you, dude.

Wooderson

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