Second, for all of you concerned about my sex life (this has recieved an overwhelming response), it eventually, happened, just at about 3 in the morning. Which wrecked me all day today. Actually, I've just felt off this whole week. I think I have mono. It was Emma. At some point, she passed us a mixed drink, we both tried it, and from there on out, mono. That has to be it. It certainly can't be because I've been smoking too much, eating too much junk, and not getting enough sleep. And I know for a fact it's NOT because I'm getting old, and can't do all those things like I used to. I'm DAMNED sure it's not that. Must be mono.

I wasn't planning on writing much of an entry, but I've been napping all day and I'm feeling a bit better. You know, I actually manage to take about a 5 minute nap sitting on one of those benches where you try on shoes? Goddam, I can sleep anywhere. Then I slept some in the car while Girl looked around in a dollar store. We went all the way out to Westpointe Plaza to try CiCi's Pizza. For all those in the Columbus area, it's worth the drive. Pizza buffet for $4.00. Can't beat that shit! It's pretty good, too. There are, I think, 3 in the area, all way out in Bum Fuck, Columbus, unfortunately.

After leaving Westpointe, we decided to see if we could hit High Street just by travelling in a general eastward direction, and ended up smack in the middle of the Brewery District. We don't make it downtown too often, so that was pretty cool. Then we went up High and passed Sku11y's, at which point I said, "Hey, that's where red-wine party's!" We ended up stopping a Goodwill along the way where I got a couple books, and Girl got a purse for $1.99 which we later found is sold exclusively at Dillards. Oo, la la.

Then it was home, where I napped for another two hours, waking up in time for CSI.

I've decided to not forego the whole making-up-my-hours bullshit at work tomorrow, and just stay home. I need some R&R in a major way.

Oh, I just remembered. News on the MILF/Anal Andy front (two neglected characters from my cast list). Seems they plan on an August wedding...or at least she does. You know how that goes. Anyway, Girl shall be the matron of honor, and my job will be to sit there and look cute. Dammit, I need to get cute by August. I begged (all right, there's a sign of exhaustion...my original spelling for begged was beegest...huh?) for the job of ring-bearer, but they seem to think that honor should fall to MILF's son. I keep telling them he's not to be trusted, he'll eat the ring, but no one's listening to me. Hmph. They won't even give me flower girl...Anal Andy's daughter gets that. Hell, I'd even where the frilly little dress, but noooo. Now tell me, how am I supposed to look cute without a frily dress. If you ask me, this wedding is already suffering from poor planning.

Anal Andy is an odd little man. His dream home's exterior would be corrugated tin. CORRUGATED. TIN. WHAT. THE. FUCK? I guess he's really into Agergentinian Homeless-Slum Chic or something. He told her he would decorate the interior as nicely as she wanted, as long as the exterior was corrugated tin. I can't stress this corrugated tin thing enough. Odd, odd man.

At the wedding, ol' Anal Andy has proclaimed there will be no bar. Also, no champaign toast. Why? He's afraid MILF's an alcoholic. She wouldn't be able to stop at one drink. Bear in mind, this girl's had mabye 2 drinks in the past 3 years, and really not much more before that. He let her have one drink at a Christmas party, then took her home, insisting if he hadn't, she would've gone on a complete bender.

I swear, this guy is the most repressed, anal-sex loving, must-have- sex-every-single-day-whether-you're-sick-or-not-even-if-you're-on-a-trip-and-staying-in-a-motel-and-the-kids-are-in-the-next-bed-because-he's-used-to-getting-off-twice-a-day-thank-you-very-much-oh-and-by-the-way-he's-very-open-about-their-sexual-escapades-with-his-mother-because-his-parents-used-to-be-swingers-and-were-quite-open-with-him-about-it-so-it's-nothing-to-him-to-get-it-on-in-his-mom's-bathroom-while-she-sits-in-the-next-room-knowing-exactly-what's-going-on-and-even-if-she-didn't-she-eventually-will-because-he'll-come-outside-and-brag-to-her-about-it-but-won't-let-you-use-cursewords-even-during-sex-because-that's-just-nasty-and-way-too-whorelike-and-slutty-for-his-refined-tastes motherfucker ever to secretly jackoff in the bathroom to pictures of anal-sex carefully arranged on a posterboard.

And this is why marriage in the US is a 50-50 shot, these days.

Wooderson

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