I basically spent my whole day fucking with Hockey Temper. I swear, the boy is just the biggest virgin in the world. Technically not, he has had sex before, just not for awhile. So much of the time, he's preoccupied with thoughts of putting things in girls' asses and such.

One of the reasons he can't get laid is because he won't actually talk to a girl. It's not that he's shy around girls and CAN'T talk to them, it's just that he's not the type that talks, period. So, anyway, it just blows him away that not only CAN I talk to chicks, I can talk to all the hot ones.

Actually, it's not that hard in amongst grocery store workers. All it takes is a little, "Does today seem like it's dragging on and on and on and fucking on?" in the breakroom. Then they agree, small talk ensues, and then when you see them around the store, you can feel free to wave, talk, etc. Like I said, it ain't hard. And it's not like the only people I talk to all day are hotties..Jesus, anyone that smokes, I probably talk to. Young guys, old women, and everyone in between. And it all starts the same way. And all acquaintances are enjoyable on some level, just in the case of the hotties, it's enjoyable in a superficial way. heh.

So, anyway, I started up a convo with this one blonde hottie...probably that hottest hottie in the store, usually unapproachable because of the cell phone in her ear at all times, etc. But, I caught her on a day with no one to call. Now we just chat whenever we see each other and all is cool.

Now, I had to tell you that story to tell you this one. Girl had to work until midnight tonight, which meant I could have been stuck at the store until about midnight:thirty. Sure, HT was working today, but I was afraid he'd wanna stop off and get drunk before we actually got home, so I was looking for other options. I told Turk the other day about it and she offered to drive me home. Turns out, I just went to work early and Girl got me home before she went in.

So I was telling HT about Turk offering to give me a ride (because I knew he'd be impressed...lol) and he was like "Holy, shit, dude, she so wants your nuts, man!" And he kept going on and on and on, then started making some noise I can't really think of the words to describe, but amounted to, "She's wanting to take you home and fuck you and you're not going to do it. I wish that would happen to me."

I should interject here and point out that his beliefs wouldn't become reality had I taken the ride. She didn't offer me a ride so she could fuck me...she just felt sorry for my poor, nondriving ass. She'd have dropped me off, and that would have been about it. At most, she would have come up and watched Night of the Living Dead or something because it's my favorite movie and she hasn't seen it, but continues to make fun of me for it. See, what HT doesn't understand is that the main reason these hotties talk to me is because I'm about the only guy in the store NOT trying to get in their pants. They understand and appreciate this, and are therefore nice to me.

Of course, I know Hockey Temper doesn't think in these terms, he goes straight for the virgin thought processes, in which every scenario plays out as a porno movie would. And, therefore, I knew just relating that Turk had offered me a ride would fuck with his mind all freakin' day.

Then, after he calmed down about that, I mentioned about how I was talking to hot-blonde chick, we'll just call her Shelly. He stood there for a second, then cried, "What the fuck is going on around here?" Aw, shit, I just lost it right there.

Shelly works in the store's daycare center (everyone in there's a hottie except the manager, for some reason...I guess they know it would be a bad idea to put them in stock with the rest of us horny bastards running around), but they had too many people scheduled, so her job today was to wander up and down the aisles helping people find stuff. Her strategy is to walk down empty aisles as much as possible, to decrease her chances of actually having to help anyone find shit she can't even find herself. So, whenever our aisle was empty, here she'd come, and I would talk to her, and HT would wait til she left, then of course freak out, which was quite entertaining. I'll give him one thing, though...he has a hell of a poker face when he needs one. So there he'd be, face still as a stone, glazed in the retail-zombie look, then as soon as she turned the corner, he'd be like, "Goddammit! How the fuck do you DO that?"

When my last lunch break rolled around, I found Turk and said she looked like she could use a cigarette, she readily agreed but had to go get hers out of the the video store, which goes right past frozen, i.e. Hockey Temper. When we walked past, he just looked dumb founded and I just grinned.

What's really fun is that it works on more people than just HT. All sorts of pretty boys work at that place, and let's just say I'm not exactly in their league. Before me and her got to be friends, she was talk of the horny male population of the store. "Have you seen that hot Turkish girl? Damn that's one hot Turkish girl. I wonder if that hot Turkish girl would go out with me." Apparently, many have tried, none have succeeded. But, here she is walking around with me, heading up to break with me and such, walking right past them, and they're all giving me pretty much the same dumbfounded look HT gives me. It's so much fun! They're getting shot down left and right, and here's me (while not a bad looking guy, certainly not a GOOD lookiung guy either) right where they want to be. It's not a position I've often been in, so now I'm living it up.

See, I don't actually want to fuck these chicks (well, okay, that's not entirely true...hot girls listen up, ALL straight guys WANT to fuck you on some level, whether they act like it or not, so remember that next time you're walking down the street...I just don't pursue such options and would turn down any chances that arose. I'm a hopeless good husband, sue me!), I just want all these pretty boys to stew about thinking that I am, or that I could. It's fun having people jealous of you. Petty, ain't I? Heh.

So, all in all, it was a pretty entertaining day, at least for me.

Wooderson

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