The best compliment I received was when Girl explained how the two of us often finish each other's thoughts, and Turk replied that she never had any idea what I was thinking. Most other people she can read right off, but I'm still a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, yadda yadda yadda. There's always something fucked up flying out of my mouth that she doesn't see coming, and girl agreed that I do sometimes still come up with something that still gets her. Well, needless to say, I was giddy.

She also said she wished everyone could talk to Hockey Temper and see how funny he is. Also high praise, coming from her. She's quite critical of most human beings. If you're the least bit predictable, she has little use for you.

The highlight of the evening occurred when Turk's mother called. She answers the phone, and we hear piercing screams coming from it. Actually, picture Charlie Browns mom really laying into him, and that's what we heard. Turk was cracking up, holding out the phone saying, "Are you hearing this? Can you hear that? She does this EVERY time! She finds me, she screams, then she forgets about it." Seems when she brought me home and came up, she never let her mom know where she was, which seems to be a common occurence.

After mom hung up, we began wondering...where the fuck did she get our phone number? We're listed, but I'm sure she wouldn't know my last name. The only thing we could think of was she must have called the store. This cracked us up. Turks mom, calling the store, asking for my number from Napolean II. Obviously she's at my house getting boned. So, Turk calls the store to ask Napolean II if he gave her mom my number. He said he doesn't give out employee's numbers. Of course, this was even more funny, because even if her mom had got the number from him, he wouldn't have been positive she was hear. But when she calls and asks if he gave her my number, that removes all doubt of where she was. At my house, three hours after we got off work. Oh, the little sewing circle will have a field day. She's still trying to figure out the most interesting story to tell them.

Anyway, after about another hour, she finally escaped our conversational clutches with promises to return.

To top it off, I was an hour and a half late this morning after over sleeping. I must have been really worn out, eh? Fortunately, it was only Napolean II in today, who seems to think the whole situation is much less serious than Napolean, though he's not above laughing at Napolean's jokes. Poor Turk, who wasn't there today, will have to deal with Napolean on her own tomorrow.

Since Turk wasn't there today, nor was Cassanova, I got to walk home. I made it in 2 hour and 15 minutes today, my best time yet. Pretty sson I'm going to be jogging it, probably smoking the whole way. There's something you never see, joggers smoking. I think I'll be the first.

I saw some strange things along the way:

1) A lonely shoe by the side of the road. I know this isn't an all together odd sight, but why ISN'T it odd? I mean, why is it always one shoe? And this one was along a road with no parking on the sides, so it's not like it just fell out of someone's car door unnoticed when they got in or out. It had to have been deliberately thrown or placed there. Either that or someone was very, very drunk.

2) Dopplegangers. Someone honked at me as they went by, and sadly I don't know too many people in the Columbus area. Certainly not ones that drive SUVs. Then I stopped at a gas station to buy a pop and one of the guys behind the counter asked if my name was Jamie. (No, by the way.) So Jamie, are you out there? Are you reading this? If so, I have a little message for you. You can't hide forever. I will find you. And when I do, God help you, you fucker.

3) A couple on a bicycle built for two. No. Just, no. No matter what you think, it's not cute. It doesn't show how much you love each other. It's just sick and wrong. Cease and desisist immediately, or after I get through with Jamie, I'm coming after YOUR asses.

Wooderson

previous - next