My schedule for the past few days has literally been work, nap, someone comes over, get fucked up, nap, go back to work. As I�m sure you noticed, my diary didn�t fit in there. Told you it was going downhill. But it�s finally my day off, so I suppose an entry is finally due. The only problem is, so much has been going on the past few days, it�s all starting to blur in my memory. It should be interesting to see how much I remember.On, I believe it was Friday, we finally made a trip to Water Beds and Stuff. Seeing as how we lived in Columbus for 2 � years and had never been to one, a visit was long overdue. Of course we had specific mission in mind, which was to pick up some fine tobacco products. Mission accomplished, as well as a shirt, a candle, and probably some other stuff I can�t remember. But while we were in there, there was this little soccer mom and dad walking around in there who eventually worked their way back to the Over 18 section, focusing on the sex toys. So when we paid for our stuff and left, sure enough there was a mini-van sitting outside with three kids in it. Who the fuck takes their kids to one of those places? �All right, kids, you wait here while we go inside and look at�uhhh�errrr� waterbeds. Yeah, we�re just going to check out some waterbeds.�
When we got home the depression over not having anything to smoke out of our new toy truly began to set in. It eventually got to such a sad state the Girl actually crumpled up a cigarette and put tobacco in the tobacco product. How sad is that. Of course, it begs the question of just how fun it would be to go on a smoke break at work, pull out a bowl and fire it up. As long as it was just tobacco, what could they say?
Later that night, Punky called and asked if we would like to see a movie with her and some friends. Hella yeah! So, we ended up with eight people in two cars on their way to Easton to see House of 1000 Corpses. A fine piece of filmmaking, that. Ahem. Besides Girl, Punky, and me, the group included Baby Momma, Baby Poppa, Id Girl, ET (Exquisite Tits) and ADHD (a coworker of Girl, Punky, and Id Girl). Since ADHD is 17, Girl put me in check that night, warning me of the serious repercussions that would befall me if I acted like my normal perverted self. I must say, it was very hard to accomplish, especially as the night progressed. I also must say the biggest laugh in the theater that night did not come from the movie, but from me. We entered the movie a little late, so it was already dark when we got there. I didn�t know there was a drop-off from the steps in the aisle to the seat, so I managed to fall, land in the first seat in the row, and say quite loudly, �All right, this is obviously where I�m sitting.� Everyone else had to get around me. Good thing I�m not easily embarrassed. I�m sure everyone in the place (and there were a lot) thought I was drunk, which is pretty cool, but unfortunately not the case. I�m just a spaz, probably more graceful when I actually am drunk.
After the movie, while we were driving home, we passed a Steak and Shake, which prompted a call from Punky in the other car, asking us if we wanted to get something to eat. She�s a Steak and Shake junky. It was already about 2:30 in the morning, and I had to be at work at 7:00, so of course we said, �Sure!� Baby Momma and Poppa declined, so we let them off at their car, and the rest of us continued on to Steak and Shake. Ever try to fit 6 people around a booth at Steak and Shake? Well, lemme tell ya, it ain�t easy.
The night started to go downhill, unfortunately, because apparently when she gets tired, ADHD gets hyper. The rest of the night was pretty much dominated by her. The worst part was that it was crowded for 3:00 in the morning, so she had many people to comment loudly upon. Since I was the only guy at the table (yep, I was pimpin�), if anyone heard her I�m sure I was the one who would�ve been beaten down. Since the service was really slow that night, it was about a terror-filled hour before we got out of there.
The next morning was grim, but I somehow made it to work on time. Then, that night, back into party mode. Punky had to write a paper on STDs for which she needed to do some online research. Since her computer was slow, she came over to use ours. It�s hard to get a party started amid the backdrop of diseased genitalia pictures, but somehow, we managed. We even managed to eat some pizza. By this point, the party had swelled to include Baby Momma and ET. It�s always impossible for delivery folk to find our apartment building, as it is not numbered, so we found a landmark the deliveryman knew, then we went downstairs to wait on the pizza.
That�s when BM and ET began showing off their bras. You know, I used to have to beg for, or at least suggest, this type of thing, but now it just seems to happen with no prompting at all. Somewhere along the path of my life, I seem to have acquired good booby karma. BM said she was going to stay like that for the deliveryman, but he almost snuck up on us, and when Punky spotted him coming, BM of course jumped up and straightened herself out. Still, it was probably one of his better deliveries of the evening, as he got a few low cut shirts and a bit of flirting out of the deal. Then, as we carried the pizzas back upstairs, Punky, BM, and ET each walked the whole way back and up the stairs, bras ablazin�. As I walked up the stairs, I commented, �I love my life sometimes.�
Yes, I have an EQ of a seventh grader. At least I admit it.
Sunday night, not much happened. Sure there was drunkness, sure a sex game came out of the closet (spin the wheels to see which sex act you must perform!), but that�s par for the course and not all that eventful. It�s not like we actually PLAYED the game, just giggled at the results. A trip to the Lion�s Den was contemplated, then scrapped due to drunkenness and apathy.
It�s Monday night when the best and worst shit went down, but I�m out of steam for tonight, and I�m sure you�re tired of reading this shit by now anyway. Consider it a cliffhanger. Don�t expect more until Friday, though, my next day off. We took last night and tonight off (not even any drinking!), so tomorrow should be a party night. We shall see. Great, potentially more to write about.
So I leave you with this. It was on Daily Rotten and cracked me up to no end:
Marines liberate dangerous psychotics from Iraqi asylum
New York Times | Submitted by: Boat6float
"Of the more than 1,400 Iraqis institutionalized here at the beginning of the year, 300 remain. ... The marines broke the door down on the maximum security wing, and in no time the patients were gone, untethered from the antipsychotic drugs that stabilized many of them." And now most of them are roaming the streets. The only resident of the maximum security wing who remains at the asylum explained his rationale for staying: "I hate the world and the world hates me... I don't want the monkey to see me and I don't want to see the monkey."
