Anyway, we got a really nice tree, but we're probably going to hell for it. Hehe. We got it at a Home Depot. All the trees we were finding there pretty much sucked, but we didn't want to go anywhere else, since anywhere else would be out of our way.

There was another couple looking while we were there, and somehow they stumbled across a really nice tree. I saw it and said to Girl, "Shit, they found the only good one here!" So they were standing there with their tree, and we found one that wasn't too bad, but there was no one there to net them up, cut the bottoms, etc. So I went to track someone down. I ended up finding someone on a register and they paged the tree guy to come back to his dept.

While I was standing there, the two people that had the nice tree went walking past, and I heard them say something like, "Yeah, that's what we'll do then." They walked out the door, and I was like, "Hell yeah!"

I ran back to the tree section which is outside in the plant section. I went to one of the gates and didn't see the couple out there anywhere. So I said to Girl, "That's it, they ain't around, that fucker's ours!"

The tree guy showed up a few minutes later, and we pointed out the nice tree and he got it all ready. We paid and took it out to the car. Another note on Home Depot, not only do most of their trees suck, but they don't help you tie the thing to the car. And, since I wasn't born with the knowledge of tieing trees to the roofs of cars, it took me awhile to get it even reasonably secured. As I was still fucking with it, the couple came back and parked right next to us. Fortunately, since the tree was netted, they couldn't tell it was the one they'd been eyeing up. They went back into HD, the woman so happy about the tree they thought they were getting she was literally bouncing.

The tree was only half secured, but I grabbed the rope, jumped in the car, and said, "Fuck it, let's just go before they see we ripped them off!" Girl was in complete agreement, so we took off, laughing cruely the whole way. We went to another store and finished tieing it down in that parking lot. Every time a car came into the lot, we were sure it was them, coming somewhere else to look for a tree. They'd seen us in Home Depot, seen us tieing a tree to the car, and I'd told the guy at the register inside when I saw them leave, "I hope they're gone, so we can take the tree they picked." So, if they'd spotted us and saw the tree, they'd know what the fuck was up.

Eventually we got it tied down enough to get it home, and we were off, still giggling about the whole thing. At one point I said, "And they seemed like such nice people, too," which they HAD and that really set us off.I mean, Jesus, she was bouncing about it.

So, after all that, we have a REALLY nice tree at a pretty cheap price, and we got to screw over a nice, attractive, wealthy looking, young couple in the process. Because that's the Christmas spirit.

Ho-fucking-ho,

Wooderson

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